So...I'm seeing quite a bit of New Year's posts, and I wanna go ahead and do up one of my own for everyone.
Sorry Stefbani and Lantiis if it felt like I was copying your posts word for word. I assure you, I'm not.
This year...whew! This year has been...pretty...wow...I was not expecting to let myself get so down this year over toxic people in my town, but instead, I did. I did and ignored my true friends. And that wasn't right. So, what did I do?
Goodbye toxic people!
I cut them out of my life for good. Now, that's not to say that, should these toxic people want to change their ways, that my inbox won't always be open, because it will. But will I be so quick to let these people back into my life?
No...no I wouldn't.
Between finding out what I wasn't supposed to, finding out secrets these supposed "friends" were keeping from me, finding out there were those who "regretted" our friendship but didn't have the guts to talk to me face to face like adults would, those whom I felt were treating me like a monster, it was too much. I could not, and would not, put up with it anymore. I was done. And after being inspired from a fellow coworker when they started to cut out toxic people, I was inspired to do the same thing.
And I never looked back.
I may accept one or two back in my life, but that trust needs to be built again before I can fully trust said people. I won't just happily accept them with open arms. Trust needs to be given and earned. Period.
But until then, I'm happy and content where I am, without those toxic to bring me down. You know what they say, "misery loves company!" Well, no misery for me, thanks!
I did a lot of self harm this year, but stopped altogether, thankfully. I admit, I *did* want to commit suicide at several points this whole year, over stupid, toxic people who probably woulda laughed about it and not cared. I fell for lies, I fell for all of it. Well, no more!
I see a therapist, whom I will continue to see to help me move past these toxic people. I work with great coworkers who, I didn't believe for a second actually cared. Yesterday proved to me that there are still kind hearts, and it'll surprise you when you find them. I have a fantastic fiancé whom has been helping to take care of me while sick, and it makes me feel wonderful, because no past relationship has ever done for me what he's done. I know I'm sick, but I wish there was something I could do to show him how happy and grateful I am to have him in my life.
I reconciled with my mother, and so far, this year has been a blast with her. Between inheriting a lot of my late grandmother's (my grandma Joan and my gammy) items, being there for when we've had to say goodbye to precious furbabies, whatever it may be, I'm glad I was able to reconcile, because while I was angry, I did miss her.
Just this year has been a hoot and a half. This coming year, 2018, I plan to walk hand in hand with those whom I love and care about, free of toxicity and negativity, and trying to move past my past (no pun intended).
I also want to branch out and talk more with fellow artists. I have friends all over different social media sites, why not talk more with you guys, get to know you all a bit better? This coming year is a chance to branch out and come out of my shell more, whether it be on here, Twitter, Amino, Instagram, DA, etc. I want to reach out to everyone I can. That is, if you guys want me to. I admit, I'm not easily approachable, but I'm really friendly when I get to know someone. And this year...this year, I want to try. No excuses this time, no fear of rejection holding me back. I want to spread my wings and try.
I guess what I'm trying to say is...thank you all for being with me so far, and for being my friend. Let's hope and pray for a happy and prosperous New Year, and that this New Year brings bigger and better things! I love you all, and thank you for being my friend! <3